Treat your woman well; whisper Shakespeare and Shelly in her ears

Bath her feet, keep her safe, give her shelter in the lean years.

Play the wizard, the alchemist, the lover, the hero the clown

Bring her five white horses and a jewelled crown.

Fill her bowl with ambrosia; keep the marriage bed clean and straight

Fight off the johnny-come-lately's and pay all the freight

Allusions and rumours may rise with venom out of the ground

Bring her four bolts of Indian silk and a jewelled crown.

Make a talisman of Zanzibar ivory for her to keep

Watch her breathing softly in your bed as she lays there asleep

Shout no regretful words, cast her no angry frown

Bring her three Fabergé eggs and a jewelled crown.

A jewelled crown.

Trees may bow and leaves may fall when your woman rebels

Wild boar and brown bear may stand on hind legs when your woman yells

No insect will buzz, no fish will splash, no bird will make a sound

Bring her two Persian kittens.

In troubled times grasp the nettle. Take the bull by the horns

Give her your one last long dollar  

But never bring her a crown of thorns.

Treat your woman the way she deserves.